Christmas in Natsuki's Heart
by Han dj
Summary: Natsuki becomes scrooge, what's the reason? A christmas challenge at Mai HiME group in FB. This is my response to that. SHIZNAT


Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME. Sunrise does. All names and establishments mentioned that you are aware of, isn't mine. Even the computer I'm typing this with isn't mine. The plot? All mine!

This story is an answer to a challenge at Mai HiME group in FB, where I was added as a member recently. Since I'm bad with birthdays, I decided to make a Christmas story instead.

Rated T

**Christmas in Natsuki's Heart.**

_I was excited going home. The small box in my hand, a bouquet of her favorite flowers. In my mind I could picture our round table full with our favorite dishes, probably minus my mayo, but still, it will be our favorites. Two candles a light, Christmas décor surrounds us, blinking white light around the Christmas tree. I took a deep sigh, I know I've never been what she wanted, not that she wants me to change, it's just that I cannot open myself and give my heart to her._

_Then just this morning it dawned on me, this will be my first Christmas with her, after all the chaos of the Carnival, after all the deceptions, after all the hurts. Despite saying that I cannot be what she wanted, she keep being my friend, and then I realized, I wanted to spend more Christmases with her, not as a good friend, but something more… that I could open up to her and accept her love at last._

_When I entered the apartment we were sharing, the lights were turned off. I grinned, she's surprising me, GREAT! I decided not to turn on the lights and traversed our dark living room. Good thing I have good memory for I know where everything is. Suddenly, a foreboding feeling assaulted me and made me turn to look at our kitchen. Nothing was amiss, everything in place, everything was clean. The kitchen is her domain and I knew not to mess it up. The refrigerator door had the usual sets of magnetics, and then one note on a yellow paper._

_I felt like my feet were made of lead, I slowly stepped close to the ref and pluck the note. The handwriting was very hers, the curves and dips of each letter so clear in my vision. I dropped the note and ran towards our room, I opened every closet we have, even the cabinet in our bathroom. Nai… all her things were gone, what was left were her little souvenirs and the gifts from me that she put on our mirrored cabinets, the clothes remaining were all mine, mine alone._

_It was not the body of the note that had made me realize she left me, saying she's spending her Christmas with her family, it wasn't a note saying she's not returning, but at the end of her note she said it… GOOD BYE Natsuki._

_I felt the cold clasped of despair gripped my heart._

XXX

[Ten years past]

I rolled my eyes at Mikoto's excited squeal after seeing the special ladle edition she was intending to buy Mai. Mikoto just has a different sense of surprise, she's buying the gift with Mai, the one she wanted to surprise, have it wrapped in the wrapping station _with_ Mai, then on the morning of the 25th, she comes barging in their room, gift in hand and screams for all to hear "SURPRISE MAI!" how the hell will that be a surprise?

Ten years, and she hadn't change. Well aside from her physical appearance that actually drew crowds, her mentality was the same old Mikoto, or maybe she was just like that with Mai. I shrugged my shoulders, I wouldn't know, it's not as if I've been with Mikoto without Mai.

"So aren't you going to buy anything Pup?" Nao asked me. She was walking alongside me, at my right side.

I looked at her from head to toe, "I didn't see you buy anything," I said in my usual cold voice with matching cold demeanor.

"You know Scrooge, you didn't see me buy because I already did my Christmas shopping a month ago."

Mai heard her as well, she leaned forward to look at Nao, "Last month? But that's way too long before Christmas, there's probably newer things to buy at this time of the year." She said smiling.

Nao rolled her eyes like mine, "It's not as if Miyu cares when my gift was made, besides, have you heard about clearance sale? They're everywhere last month."

"You're cheap Nao." Mikoto butt in,

"As I've said, Miyu doesn't care about the price, she'd just go rhetorical on me and say 'Nao, it's not the gift that counts but the thought of remembering,' anymore questions?" this time her unusually dark brown brows raised in challenge.

Both Mai and Mikoto raised their hands in surrender.

I sighed, "Unlike you three, there are other things more important to put my money into. Buying gifts is just a waste."

"A waste?" Mikoto asked in her most innocent look, "Even for us? We are your friends Natsuki and I loved getting gifts!" she whined and then looked at Mai who actually patted her shoulder.

"Everyone gives you gift, be content." I said looking at Mikoto with ice cold eyes, Mikoto as usual never fears the look and she just answer me with her own version of my pout.

"Mikoto, it is not ethical to ask someone for a gift, they should be given freely." Mai said in her motherly, scolding voice.

"What Mai said," I agreed with a nod.

Nao stopped walking and we did after noticing her, we turned around to look at her. "What?" I asked.

"I suddenly feel like being conned,"

"What? Why?" Mai asked in bewilderment.

"Well, I've been giving this ungrateful woman gift year after year, and she thinks it was a waste?" Her voice had a tinge of anger and sadness mixed.

"I never asked anyone of you to get me gifts, you all were just hard headed you never listen."

"So what do you do with the gifts we gave you? Put them in the trash as soon as you get home?" Mikoto asked, she too was mimicking Nao's expression. Damn it.

"Hey, I maybe Scrooge but I am not that evil. I kept them in my closet!" Well I do, I just can't tell them that I have not opened any of them.

Nao grinned, "So you finally admitted!"

"Huh?" What was Nao talking about?

"That you're Scrooge personify." At that, Nao began walking towards us and a smile already formed on her face. I guess all Nao needed was some ammunition she could use against me, no matter how childish then she forgets all about her hurts and whatever drama she's concocting.

"Come on, we got to eat before Mikoto's stomach begs for us." Mai said, jesting her partner.

We all agreed and walked towards the mall's food court. I was leading the pack followed by Mikoto and Mai, Nao on the other hand decided to walk along stores' window to get some window shopping done while walking. I was too engrossed thinking about how they would feel about me not opening their gifts when I was suddenly bumped.

"Kannina," said the woman who bumped unto me. I did not turn my head at once so she passed me by, but the tone, the voice… I can't be wrong, it was _her!_ I stopped and turned to find the woman walking opposite our direction. Her chestnut hair, not much different from the way I remember, the curvy body every guy and girl at school dreamed about. "Shizuru…," I whispered.

I didn't notice Mikoto bumping into me or minded Mai calling, or care how Nao was pissed that I stopped the stroll again, my mind was concentrated on getting to her… ask her why? I hurriedly walked towards the woman that's once again departing from my sight. I didn't hear the calls of my friends, all I cared about was to get to her in time.

And I did, I was smiling when I reached for her elbow and turned her towards me, "Shiz…,"

The woman with chestnut hair wasn't Shizuru, I don't even think she's a woman. "Excuse me? What do you think you're doing?!" the chestnut haired woman asked me in her Kyoto accent.

"I'm sorry!" I said freeing her elbow and bowing in front of her. "I thought you were someone else! Sorry!" Now that I get to see her closer, she was taller than Shizuru by half a head I suppose.

"Next time don't just grab anyone!" she said, huffed and returned to walking opposite our direction. I closed my eyes as I tried to settle my galloping heart. I never thought I'd feel it do that again. That's when I noticed Mai, Nao and Mikoto's presence behind me.

"What?" I growled.

"You made us worried, you suddenly run out on us out of the blue and grab some random woman." Mai said placing a hand on my shoulder which I shrugged off.

"I don't even think she was a woman, too tall to be one." Nao quipped.

Mikoto shrugged, "I thought it was Kaichou at first look."

"Kaichou?" Nao and Mai asked simultaneously and I rolled my eyes. I lost count how many times I did _that_ the whole time we're strolling.

I watched Mikoto nod her head, "As in Fujino Kaichou,"

Then I felt Mai and Nao's eyes bore upon me. "So…,"

"I was wrong, forget this happen and let's go eat."

"But Natsuki…,"

"No 'buts' Mai, we all are hungry anyway, and…" I glared at them, "…drop the subject, I don't want to hear anything."

We walked in an uncomfortable silence until we reach the food court. We separate ways and ordered our food, then gathered together in a long table near Ichiraku ramen, where as usual, Mikoto ordered. We were eating in silence for at least a while.

"Why don't you just drop the macho act and go to Kyoto?" I looked up to face Nao who was looking at me while eating her tonkatsu.

"I thought I told you to drop it?"

"I can't drop it! You've become too difficult to handle, something must be done about it!" Nao said, her voice raising.

"Drop it Nao, I don't want to make a scene here." I warned her with a growl.

"But Nao was right Natsuki." Mai intervened, "We are your friends, and you may deny it, but we do care for you." Can't these people take a hint?

"I don't want to talk about her!"

"You can't even say her name in our face!" Nao growled back.

"Whatever I'm feeling or not feeling is my business, it's not yours." I said eyeing Mai then Nao. And then Mikoto speak,

"Then what we are feeling and what happens to us isn't your business as well." She said frowning. "We aren't your friends anymore, is that what you're implying?"

And here I thought she was still a little unscrewed in the head, and then she starts getting serious and even making a point. "I didn't say that,"

"Yes you did," Mikoto said standing. I looked up at her, "If you weren't affected, you wouldn't run after that woman. We all know you want answers and you will never get your answer unless you see her and ask." She said before turning and leaving.

I looked at Mai who was torn between staying and following her partner.

"Go," I said before I hid my face in between my palms.

There was silence, and I thought they left me alone.

"I'm not wasting my well earned money by leaving Natsuki, I will finish my food so get over it."

I looked at her again, "Get over what?"

"That 'I'm too proud' personality, you're not the only one being affected by what you are doing,"

"I didn't ask you to get affected!"

"You don't have to ask, we just feel because we care." I saw Nao sigh, "We both know that Shizuru probably has a reason to leave, may it be that she's tired waiting for you or family thing, there is a reason and you need to know. Get a closure or something."

"She left and that's it, besides it's been ten years."

"Ten years isn't that long to forget, now, If you can tell that straight to my eyes, that you don't care about the reason she left, then I'll leave you alone."

I can't… because I wanted to know. No, I needed to know.

"See pup?" she returned to eating. No more words were exchange.

XXX

"You are cruel, Futaba." I looked beyond the canvas I was working on to find Aoi getting in with his longtime girlfriend, Yoriko. Nikaido Yoriko was grinning as she said that.

"And why would sweet Aoi be cruel?" I asked as I pulled my wheel chair and then pushed it towards them. Yoriko had bought me lunch, despite telling them that I'm not really hungry. She would always say that Suzushiro kaichou would put her on patrol duty if she doesn't look after my diet.

I smiled at the remembrance of Haruka's. After the Carnival, we had regained our friendship, along with Kikukawa Yukino, when I first had my fainting spells at the university, it was her who had brought me to the hospital, she was with me when I found out about my condition.

Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia or A.L.L as the doctors call it.

"You know you shouldn't be up and about by now, you just had your transplant, and it's not been a week." Aoi said smiling. If Aoi wasn't a guy in woman's clothes, I would probably have fallen for her or him, I secretly laughed at my mistake.

"I clearly remember the doctor saying that I could at least use a wheel chair to go on about," I smiled and looked down at the chair I was sitting on, "And I am is it not?"

"And how did you manage to get in that?" Yoriko pointed out. Busted. "Plus you're painting, you should just rest."

I sighed, "I'm tired of resting,"

"Look, Haruka-san said that you just have to endure a month or two, and you could go on about your daily activities, you'd be back to normal, thanks to the transplant!" Aoi said happily.

I smiled, "Thank you," I watched Yoriko who went to my kitchen and prepared my lunch, then I looked at Aoi who was sitting on a couch in front of me.

"It's so nice to live in a unit just beside the mall isn't it? Everything is almost within reach." Yoriko said while preparing.

"True," I agreed, "So you didn't answer my question Yoriko,"

"Question?" She asked without looking my way.

"Why sweet Aoi was cruel?"

"Oh," she said then she eyed her partner and boyfriend who returned the look.

"Am I going to go ballistic with the answer?" Both officers shook their heads no. "So?"

"You tell her, you're the one who said I was cruel!" Aoi said frowning.

I turned to Yoriko, "So?"

"We saw her!" the eyeglass wearing officer started, then stopped.

"Her? Who's her?" I asked in bewilderment, "You do realize that I am still recuperating and I may not take the suspense right?"

Yoriko nodded, "Well, we went to the food court to buy you lunch, I excused myself to go to the rest room and asked Aoi to meet me at the entrance of the connecting bridge. When I went out of the rest room, I saw Aoi being pulled by a woman…," she looked at her boyfriend for help.

"I thought she was the same woman as that painting you made, the one in your room, so I bumped into her to get a reaction, you see we do have the same hair type and color and I can actually speak like you…,"

"You mean…,"

"I wasn't sure, until she pulled me to face her and I knew she called me Shiz, I was sure it would have been Shizuru so yes, that same woman."

"Natsuki…"

"Aoi gave his greatest performance getting angry at her, and well, she was red in the face, embarrassed, that's why I said he's cruel."

I looked down at my hands, and without word, I turned the wheelchair and headed for my room.

XXX

_It was three weeks before Christmas, some ten years ago, few months after the Carnival. I started having fainting spells in the university, I took for granted but when it happens every day, followed by the bruising, I got scared. I asked Haruka to take me to the university clinic, at first glance I knew, Dr. Iphreeta, the university physician had suspected something, but instead of telling me she asked me to undergo a number of test and see a friend of hers, Dr. Chouun, a specialist Hemaetologist._

_That's when I learned that I had A.L.L._

_I am in need of some intensive therapy, from chemotherapy to surgery, and the weight of my situation had burdened my broken soul. I decided there and then that I will not put my Natsuki in this kind of situation. She had undergone a lot of pain enough to last her a lifetime, I can't burden her any longer._

_With my heart heavy, I ran to my family to seek refuge. With open arms they welcomed me and supported me. Dr. Chouun referred me to Dr. Amaya, another Haematologist and a superb Immunologist whose clinic was based in Kyoto. The first month after I left Fuuka was hard and painful. I lost a lot of weight and I was not myself any longer._

_My sister had told me that I was being unfair with Natsuki, I shouldn't have just ran and left, I should have talked to her and tell her the reason. I know she was right, but Natsuki will never leave me be if I did. I can't let her see me like that. But I know I at least need to try. Two months after I left, I called our shared apartment, hoping that Natsuki was still there. No one answered, and then Haruka told me that Natsuki moved in with Mai and Mikoto. I was too late._

_Six sessions of chemotherapy and five years of daily maintenance had me back on my feet. I decided to pursue fine arts instead of my original plan to take business administration, less stress, less pain for me. Then Stem Cell transplantation started making its way into modern medicine, I started getting hope of being my old self again, all I need was to wait for the perfect donor, an allogene, as Dr. Amaya said for the surgery to work. My sister had volunteered, she just looks like me in everything, we could have been twins, but the test won't accept her. Her blood was not as healthy as it seemed._

_Five years later, the perfect donor came._

XXX

"Why don't you see her?" I turned the chair around and was stunned to see Haruka at the entrance of my room.

"Ara, how come you were here? Aren't you supposed to be manning your desk at the station?" I asked smiling. The smile didn't reach my eyes.

"You're faking your smile again," She said while walking inside my room, "And for your information, I was supposed to go here to visit you, I do visit you every day at lunch remember? And Tsujimoto is manning my desk at the moment."

I shook my head, it'll probably be terrible when Haruka return to Bokuto station, she should have just asked Kobayakawa or Nakajima to do it. "I did not forget Haruka, but I thought the reason you sent Yoriko and Aoi to be here was for that same purpose."

"Harrumphed," Haruka folded her arms in front of her chest, "I didn't send them here, Aoi volunteered because Yoriko opened her mouth again and Tsujimoto is hunting for her."

"I see, so this is a safe haven,"

"They know not to cause you stress or suffer the consequence." She said smiling.

"I thought we agreed that after this operation you would stop treating me like a weakling?" I asked with one brow raised.

"I'm not treating you like a weakling, I just worry." I nodded my head. Well, Haruka will be Haruka no matter what. "You're evading my question,"

I was silent for a while, "I don't think it is wise to see her."

"Why not?"

I took a deep breath, "I left."

"So?"

"Everyone left her Haruka, and I promised her I'd be there for her, that I will not abandon her the way her parents did, but…"

"You got a valid reason,"

"Knowing Natsuki…"

"You got to try, besides, if she loves you, she'll accept your explanation." Haruka said stepping closer still and sitting on my bed.

"That's the problem Haruka, my Natsuki doesn't love me that way to accept my explanation."

I watched as Haruka turned her purple orbs on me, "You forgot that Yukino did think the same and I straightened her out."

I smiled, "You're not Natsuki." I watched her try very hard to stop from getting angry at me or saying anything else. She'd been like that the entire time I was sick. She stopped bickering with me, she stopped threatening my very existence, and I missed those time. I missed being normal again. "You don't agree?"

"And when did I ever agree with you?"

I laughed, she was right. Not because we regained our friendship means we now agree all the time. "You're right."

"Christmas is in two days Shizuru, and if Futaba was right, Natsuki missed you too, for I can't find any reason why she would pull some random woman just because she looks or talks like you, and then call her Shizuru if not. You and her needs to talk and put an end to this drama." She huffed, "I got tons of drama with Yukino, and I'm tired of being surrounded by it anymore." She stood and walked out.

"Going back to the station?" I asked and watch her stop. She looked back.

"And get Tsujimoto off the hook that easy? Nah, I'm going to see what Yoriko got you for lunch, and if I like it, I'll probably get me one too."

XXX

I think I'm getting crazy, because for once I am agreeing with Nao. My appetite seemed to have left me but I am still here trying to finish the super burger and fries I ordered. Nao was finishing her food and she was on her last mouthful when we both were surprised by someone suddenly sitting beside me.

I looked at Nao whose eyes were bugging out, and her mouth frozen in an open way, the rice in between her chopsticks falling one by one, leaving the meat in place. I looked at my right and my eyes widened too at the sight of Haruka, wearing a police uniform and sitting with us. A smile on her lips.

"I hope it's alright that I join you? It's not as if I am a stranger to the two of you." She said… I think?

"Su…sure!" Both I and Nao replied. She placed her tray in front of her which has vegetables and bread on it, an orange juice for her drink.

"Wow, you're living healthy compared to the pup beside you." Nao said grinning. She looked down and scooped the remaining rice to her mouth.

"I noticed," Haruka replied looking at my tray of food. "Hadn't given up on Mayo yet huh?" she asked grinning.

One brow of mine hiked up, "And your point?"

"You're not going to go old, that's my point." She said then she laughed. Me and Nao didn't share the laughter since we didn't get the joke - if there was. She stopped laughing and then proceed to eating.

"It's been long, I didn't know you were here." I said looking at the silently eating officer.

"I've been assigned at Bokuto station as the new Chief, replacing the old one there," she smiled.

"No offense Haruka, but I don't doubt for one minute that you would become an officer." Nao said as she rested her back on the chair and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Really? Why did you say that?"

"You were so pushy back at Fuuka high, and you were so bossy." I saw Nao shrugged her shoulders, "And well, you got just the right job for you."

"You should be working with Midori-sensei, you're bossy and her 'defend the weak' style goes hand in hand." I said laughing softly.

Haruka just smiled with us and nodded her head. "So what do you do now?" she asked looking at me then at Nao.

"I own a motor shop now, and it's doing great."

"That's nice to hear." She said then once again looked at Nao.

"I design clothes, actually more on lingerie, and pup here was my bestest customer!"

"Really? You should give me a card, I plan on buying Yukino a gift, something that would stun her."

Nao grinned and hurriedly took something from her pouch, "Here," she pushed the card towards the officer. "I got new designs that aren't out in my stalls yet, so you should call me when you're ready and I'll show them to you." Nao said and winked.

"I'll do that." There was silence as I and Haruka continued our food, not long and we both were finished. Haruka wiped her mouth with a napkin, when done, she took something from an unseen pocket of her uniform and hand a black colored envelope to me.

"What's this?"

"It's an invitation," she said smiling at me. I opened it and I was surprised.

"This is an art exhibit," I said and I looked at her as she shrugged.

"I will be there and Yukino too, for old time sake I hope you come. Bring her and anyone you want to bring. Tokiha too if you're still with her and that cat girl…,"

"Mikoto," I volunteered.

"Yeah, her," she said. "It's formal."

"I don't wear gowns," I said frowning.

"Formal doesn't mean gown only." Haruka said rolling her eyes.

"But this is Christmas Eve!" I whined.

"Yes, and that's a problem how?" she asked with one brow raised.

"Natsuki is a scrooge and don't celebrate Christmas. Even non-Christians now celebrate Christmas but no, not Natsuki the Scrooge!" She eyed me evilly, "I'll go pup! Art exhibit means socialites at their best, I might find some clients there!" Nao said excitedly. "I'm sure Mai would love to go too, she likes gatherings."

I nodded, "And if she knew Yukino will be coming, she'll jump on the idea."

"That's right and since you have the invitation, you have to go!" Nao insisted.

I sighed, "Aright! Alright!"

"Then it's a date, what do you know, you may find what you want or need there."

Another raising of brows from me, "What am I supposed to do with arts? Painting? Nah," I said grinning.

She shrugged her shoulders, "You never know." Then she stood and bowed, "I better go and go back to the station before my men make a mess out of it."

We both nodded our heads and together said our good bye to Haruka.

XXX

I am nervous.

Not that I am not used to being with people, but because it is my first time to venture on an exhibit of my own. I have been painting a lot and many people who have seen my works were impressed. But those people were acquaintances, if not mine, but of my parents or my sister, even Haruka and her family's, that doesn't boost confidence to tell you the truth.

Another source of my nervousness is me attending my own exhibit on a wheel chair.

The exhibit was planned out about six months ago, after planning, the news of my surgery came and we all jumped on the chance of having finally found a suitable donor. The sponsor of the event agreed to move the time table two weeks later, and that would be now. She had invited a lot of guests from well-known families in Japan and some wealthy art collectors all over the world, and she cannot postpone it any longer.

"As usual, you are very lovely Fujino-san," Kanzaki Reito stood at the hall way of my unit wearing a tux and a handsome grin on his face.

"Kanzaki-san, do we really need to be always so formal with each other?" I asked smiling as I turned my wheel towards him. He walked fast and behind me and helped me pushed my chair. "Fumi-san isn't with you?'

"She was planning on coming, but baby number two went ballistic on her and now she's flat on her back on our bed." He said laughing.

"The baby must be Reito Jr. then, only you would make her go ballistic like that." I jested and we both laugh as we traversed the hallway and into the elevator.

"I hope so, a son would be a reprieve from Mashiro chan!" he wheeled me inside the elevator.

"Did Haruka roped you into wheeling me towards the hotel?" I asked. I won't doubt that she would do something like that.

"No, actually I volunteered to see you. It's been a long time since we got together and I wanted to know how you are. I won't be able to ask of you that at the gala."

I smiled, "I am fine, as you can see," I point my finger on myself, "The surgery worked wonders, but the immunosuppresants are taking a toll on my body, can't wait for the treatment to be over so I can go back to being my old self."

"Everyone misses the carefree but stern Kaichou." He grinned.

"I hope so."

He wheeled me out of the elevator and into the front of the condominium building, where he volleyed park his car. We waited for a couple of minutes, and then I found myself in Kanzaki's strong arms as he lifted me and inside the passenger seat. He continued by folding my wheel chair and keeping it at the trunk, then went around to sit behind the stirring wheel.

"Ready?" He asked in his usual dazzling way.

"As ready as I could be I guess," I returned with a smile. He nodded his head then the car moved forward.

XXX

I can't believe I was really roped into coming. Mai and Mikoto were so excited about attending the formal gathering, Nao was ecstatic and counting unseen clientele in her head already. Miyu was of course just going along. Alyssa was happily spending her Christmas Eve with Migami along with Himeko-sama and Yukariko-sensei, so there's no need for her to fret over that.

I was wearing tux that Mai and Mikoto bought A.S.A.P since I cannot get myself to do the shopping, what with my shop open and my workers all being lazy since it's supposed to be the night before Christmas. Those people should be thankful I'm giving them off tomorrow, un-paid of course!

DAMN IT! What's taking Nao and Mai so long? I asked as I eyed Miyu who was also wearing a black gown, sitting on the large couch waiting for Nao. Mikoto was also wearing a tux and pacing outside the apartment door.

"MAI! NAO!" I screamed.

"Hey!" Nao went out of Mai's room first, "For someone not wanting to attend, you're so impatient to leave!"

"That's because I want to be home early, the earlier we get there the earlier I could get out!"

"SCROOGE!" I heard Mai shout with Nao this time. Mai went out of her room and I was stunned at her beauty. I shook my head. I remember a time when no one had ever stunned me with their beauty unlike Shizuru, but that's a thing of the past now.

"Will you stop drooling over Mai, Mikoto will kill you." Nao said grinning at me. "How come you find Mai stunning and not me?"

I looked at Nao as if she had grown another head, "With Miyu here? You think I'm suicidal?" I watched as Miyu nodded her head in agreement. "See?"

Nao smiled, "That just means you find me sexy but you're just too scared to admit."

"I don't."

"Scrooge."

"Yeah, whatever." I looked at Mai trying to stifle a giggle, "Can we go now? Mikoto probably burned the welcome mat outside."

"Let's go Natsuki." Mai said as she leads the way out.

"MAI!" We all heard Mikoto's excited call of her partner's name.

Nao looked at me, "Aren't you jealous?"

I shook my head. "I can't be jealous with how much headache Mai and Miyu gets having you two as their partners."

"I always got an ibuprofen ready Natsuki, so no problem at all." Miyu jested in her most serious expression. I watched Nao glared at the cyan haired woman who smiled at her partner.

"You'll see," Nao said to Miyu before removing her hand on the woman's arm and walked out of the house.

"Now, I don't have that kind of problem." I said as I look at Miyu.

She smiled, "It's worth it though."

I sighed. Miyu may be right, but I don't have time for 'jokes' anymore.

XXX

I don't know if Haruka has a hand on things, but when I entered the hotel lobby where my works as well as some others were displayed, the people who had greeted didn't even flinched at the sight of me riding my wheel chair. It's as if I was actually walking and all everyone see was me, the old me. I was happy.

It was hard now a days to find people look at me without noticing the chair. Or my sudden sullen mood or gaunt appearance. But tonight, maybe Kami-sama was being good to me, the people only see 'me' and my works.

I wheeled myself to one of my works that I could say was my favorite. It was of a forest with a lone wide truncated tree at the center, covered from plain view with leaves from other trees surrounding it. It was the widest of tree and under its shade, small animals could congregate. What makes the tree special was its location, center, private and breathtaking. I was looking at it, smiling, seeing the same image in my head with addition of people or person I would love to be left alone with at that very space. Then my peripheral vision saw her…

Natsuki.

She was wearing a tux and was scouting my paintings by herself. My heart beat at the sight of the woman I left, the woman I have loved all this time yet have to leave. I backed out from my space and decided to hide in the dress room provided for the artists.

XXX

I'm angry at Nao. Not because she was being her usual self when it comes to talking with me, but because she planted this seed of jealousy in my head. Thinking that in a gathering like this, it seemed I am out of place. Not because of how I look but because I was alone. Everywhere I turn my eyes, it seemed everyone has someone with them, never ever alone. I am here with friends, and yet, I feel so alone.

I separated ways with Mai and Mikoto, telling them I wanted to see more of the paintings. Mikoto wanted to see the sculptures and they were heading for it, while Nao and Miyu decided to grace the buffet table first to get some drinks and mingle with high society people. I got into the part of the unnamed paintings. The information tablet said that they are unnamed for they were the personal collection or favorite of the artist that made them.

And there I got stuck on my feet.

In front of me was my image on canvas… the perfect me, with a perfect smile as if nothing wrong ever happened. "What the…," I looked around to see if I could find the event's curator and ask about the painting and the artist. As I turn my head I saw her.

Her crimson orbs wide in surprise. Her chestnut hair that had grown long was made into a bun on her head, the site of her had my heart beating chaotically inside my chest, and then that's when I noticed… Shizuru sitting on a wheel chair. I was too shock to move that I actually let her back out and leave.

"Shizuru…," I whispered. She wheeled herself away, away from me and I was too shock, I let her once again.

"Natsuki," I turned to see Haruka behind me.

"Shizuru, I saw her…,"

"Get her," was all she said. As if a beacon of light suddenly engulfed me, my mind cleared and I willed myself to action. I ran to where I saw her went. I didn't notice my friend gathering around Haruka asking what happened. Didn't mind when I bumped into people, no excuse me or sorry left my lips, I can't let Shizuru get away this time without any explanation.

XXX

I am very thankful that I decided to remain athletic. I run every day, went to a gym near my motor shop three times a week after my early morning run, before going to work. Running after a wheeled person could really get a lot from one, but not me. I am a woman with a mission. I saw her asking a security for help, help to wheel her fast to wherever she wanted to hide, but I know I am faster.

I may not be as fast as Mikoto still, but I am faster than that chair and that damn security! I put everything in my next run and over took them. I stopped in front of Shizuru and held the chair's arms to a halt. I looked at the security who was eyeing me suspiciously.

"Leave us," I said.

"Fujino-san,"

"Natsuki please…,"

"No. This will end tonight Shizuru." I said looking at her then at the security, "I said leave us!"

I watched as Shizuru turned her head at the man behind her and nodded her head. "Are you sure ma'am?" he asked with worry in his south-east Asian face.

"Yes, don't worry she won't hurt me." That's what she said, but by the way she flinched, she's probably thinking the opposite.

"I won't hurt her," I said this as I looked at Shizuru.

I look up to see the man nod his head, "If you need me, just yell ma'am."

"I will," Shizuru said with that smile that had captivated every men and women in Fuuka. The smile that caught me and yet I keep on swimming away. The guard too was captivated and it shows on his face as he walked away from us. She turned her eyes on me and her crimson orbs left me speechless.

One, two minutes, I had no idea how long we've stayed quiet and was just content on eyeing each other.

"Natsuki, as you said, this should end tonight." Shizuru started and I saw her bow her head.

"Why Shizuru?"

XXX

Should I tell her the truth? _She deserves the truth_. I still hear my nee-chan's voice in my head. I closed my eyes, I can't let her know, I can't let her feel burdened by my situation that was no one's fault but mine. After all the evils I've done to her and others, my sickness was my retribution, how can I involve Natsuki in this?

"I asked why Shizuru, why did you leave me?" she asked again.

"I…"

"Did I made you wait too long? Have I failed being your friend? Did I not make you happy? What?!" Natsuki's voice was raising, her impatience surfacing again, or she's finally getting all her anger out tonight?

"I'm sorry,"

I looked at her straighten herself and the mask of the ice princess on her face once again. "Is that it? You left me with a short note, I didn't even get to say good bye back, you show up after ten years and all you've got to say was 'sorry'?"

What am I supposed to reply to that?

"I changed in the ten years you left, I got bitter, I sold my soul to the devil to forget the pain and all I get for a closure was sorry?" I watched as she slumped on the very ground she was standing, she buried her face in her palms.

"Natsuki…" No answer

XXX

I didn't know that I still had it in me to cry. I promised a long time ago that I will never ever cry again for someone, and yet, here I am once again crying over Shizuru. Have I really lost her for good? I heard her call my name, that same tone she used to, that same voice that always tells me that she cares, that she loves me…

Then suddenly it dawned on me, why was she in a wheel chair? I looked up and my emerald orbs met her crimsons, "Why are you on a wheel chair?" Her eyes widened and there I saw fear. What was she scared of? What had she done? "Why Shizuru? What did you do to yourself?!" then that's when I began noticing her appearance, she was pale and her pallor was covered by makeup, she looked frail and tired. "What's happening to you?"

I stood hurriedly when Shizuru turned her chair and tried to wheel away from me again. I cannot let her off of my sight until she tells me what's happening to her! Damn it!

"SHIZURU!" I shouted and walked fast towards her retreating figure. I reached her and stopped her from wheeling herself further. I turned her chair around so we are facing each other once again. "Tell me!" I'm getting angrier. I need to know what's happening to MY SHIZURU.

"I can't…,"

"You can't or you won't?" I asked determinedly.

"I can't…,"

"Why," I frowned, "I know you're scared, if you were scared that I'm leaving you, then that's bullshit, you left me already and that's going to be just funny, so that's not it, so tell me Shizuru." She kept her head bowed, her eyes on her open palms that were nestled on her lap. "Please,"

She looked up, closed her eyes and the tears began falling, "Why do you have to know Natsuki?" She asked me as she stifle her cries. "As you point out, it's a moot point to talk about it. I left you and we can't do anything about it anymore…,"

"Because I love you! That Christmas Eve you left, I went home hoping to surprise you, I wanted you to know that I am done being scared and that I realized I love you the way you want me too, and that I want to spend all my Christmas with you, but you left! You broke my heart Shizuru!" I kept my hold on her chair as I looked her in the eyes. Her tear-filled eyes as well as mine were locked.

"You loved me?"

"I love you," I sighed, "At first I blamed myself, I was too slow to admit my real feelings to you that's why you left. I can't get myself to blame you… well, I don't think I can blame you for it not even now, but I also realized that I can't feel love anymore. My heart hardened in these ten years, and that's what I'm blaming you for."

"Natsuki…,"

"I can't love again Shizuru because my heart only knows how to love you." I knelt before her and I found myself leaning on her lap, her hands on my head. I could hear her tears falling and she probably could feel mine on her dress.

XXX

I was stunned to say the least. My Natsuki loved me… no she loves me. She love me back and I left her. Now I feel like a true villain. How could I have made my Natsuki suffer this long? I don't know if I should be happy to know that she can only love me, or If I should be livid with myself for making her love only me, for caging her without even knowing the truth.

"I'm sick Natsuki," I said softly to her. I turned my face to the side, my eyes far away.

"Shizuru?" I heard her called to me. I didn't turn my head for I'm afraid my resolve to tell her will dissolve if I see her teary eyes.

"The weeks before that day I left, I was sick, fainting at school and bruising easily. I had Haruka helped me," I was interrupted by Natsuki turning my head to look at her. I did, and when she was about to say something, I put a finger across her lips, "Let me finish this Natsuki before I lose my nerve and run away again." I said and smiled as she nodded her head in assent.

"I was diagnosed to have leukemia and I decided to have my treatment in Kyoto with my family. I was so scared that I will never be cured, I decided not to burden you with my illness. I hurt that time too Natsuki but I pursued with my plan, and that note was all my mind could conjure." I cried once again in memory of the loss.

"Why didn't you tell me! I was your friend then, and though I am in love with you, I will remain to be your friend!"

"And what would you have done?" I asked, "I need the treatment and the doctor was in Kyoto. You'd follow me there and stop studying, you'd stop living Natsuki to take care of me, and I can't let that happen."

"You could have explained to me,"

"If I did, will that stop you from coming for me?" I was answered by silence. I knew Natsuki, and even if she didn't loved me the way I want her that time, she would follow me just because I am her friend. And now that I've learned that she loves me like I do, the more I decided that I did the right thing.

"And now?" she asked worry etched on her beautiful face.

"I had an operation a week ago, it should stop the cancer cells from coming back. I had chemotherapy first and then after the surgery, I'm drinking some medicines that makes me weak, that's why the wheel chair."

Silence

And when I was ready to finally say good bye to her in person, I was stunned to feel her lips on mine. The stun was replaced by hope and I closed my eyes as our lips locks longer. I could taste her tears in my mouth, and she could probably taste mine.

"Shizuru, please, no more good byes?" Natsuki said as our lips parted.

"But…,"

"I have lived my dreams Shizuru, and the only dream left for me to live is you." She placed her forehead against mine, "Let me live that dream Shizuru, please?"

My tears run like rivers from my eyes. My Natsuki has no idea how she was my only dream.

"Yes Natsuki, no more good byes."

Our lips met once again.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered to Natsuki's ears before she once again caught my lips in hers.

-END-

Omake:

Shizuru: Ara, this was a nice ending Han-san, I just wished you didn't made me paralyzed.

Han: I didn't! You were weak from the medicine not paralyzed, jeez!

Natsuki: Oi! I hate it when you write drama! You always make me cry!

Han: (rolled eyes) That's why it is drama, someone needs to cry

Haruka: I like me here, I don't get wrong English! Finally you come to your senses.

Nao: I hate it! There's too little of me! I'm under expose!

Fumi: At least you were here! I was just mentioned!

Chie: At least you were mentioned! I wasn't! She get all that You're under arrest cast instead of us! What kind of a Mai HiME author are you!

Han: (sighed and left) this will never end. Why does these characters loved whining so much?


End file.
